LOVELESS MARRIAGE OR DIVORCE
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Nari manei ki shudhu abola?
anek ke jani jara bhenge porena
Bhangte jane baandh
joar er shathe bheshe jaina
Plabito nodi dai oder shahosh
bonnya ke joy kore egiye jai kato
Mon ke tara boshe korechhe
chancholota drirotar kachhe nato
Ora jakhon bhalobashe kaoke
akash ar samudra tader prerona hoi
Jakhon bhalobasha aghaat paye
bhenge porena,paina kaoke bhoi
Roughly translated, my poem means, there are women who are brave enough to face the challenges that life,love or for that matter marriage brings forth.They have learnt to control their feelings and emotions ,which is a very difficult thing.The vastness of the sky and the depth of the sea is the limit when they decide to fall in love.But these same set of women are unabashed when their love leaves them,leaving them alone to face the social police.They know how to stand alone at the face of adversity.................
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Every love story does not culminate into a happy ending,Similarly,each and every marriage irrespective of it being an arranged or love ,does not end up being a cherished bond till both the partners decide to face the challenges and upheavals of life together with an equal zest.This is ideally what a marriage should be all about but how many marriages are actually theoritically and practically similar?IN reality mostly , the onus is unto us women to keep working towards the strenthening part.However the efforts are seldom appreciated,rather they are perceived to be some kind of weakness.Those who earn ,have choices and opportunities to look beyond the boundaries.Those with no such luck cannot retaliate when taken for granted.This is of course a very personal view,and I have complete respect for those who would like to differ................
But ,a very pertinent question---Do most of us still think loveless marriage is better than divorce?
Someone very close to me is going through this phase where she is unable to decide whether to accept her husband or to divorce him .She is confused as she has a five year old who is fond of his father,she is not independent and her parents want her to patch up despite knowing the waywardness of her husband.
What is more ironical here is the impertinent and nonchalant manner of her husband.Behaving as if he has not committed any heinous crime by getting involved,quite seriously ,with another woman.
This is not the story of this one woman ,there are many on the same boat.Some have chosen to accept their fate as it comes,some have had luck on their side and got an opportunity to begin their life anew.
Coming back to the point, that is my poem,yes ,I do know some women,who are fighting it out on their own.Are they happy?Who knows! Why only women,I think even men do not fancy loneliness .......but at the end of the day what matters utmost is ones peace of mind.............
When I look at my two maids,I am extremely amazed although not inspired.They are the most independent women on earth I reckon.Their husbands did not leave them ,rather they left their husbands.One of them actually threw her husband out of the house,the husbands in both the cases were drunkards and spendthrift and spent the hard earned money of their wives on their mistresses....Ido not see any diminished zeal for life in these two females, neither are they bothered about the society and its norms.They earn and spend on whatever and however they want.
Would I be able to do the same when put in a similar situaton? NO.I do not have the guts.I belong to that category where divorce is the last resort or no option at all.A child needs both the parents even if they are not compatible that is what I personally believe.But then incompatibily,violence etc can marr the innocence of a child and in such cases it is often sane to separate rather than pushing the child into further compexities.Having said that ,if couples are ready to give their relationship a second chance,having both the parents around, works as an invisible canopy for the child/children. A stress free life is what matters most in this competitive world for our children.................................
www.flickr.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nari manei ki shudhu abola?
anek ke jani jara bhenge porena
Bhangte jane baandh
joar er shathe bheshe jaina
Plabito nodi dai oder shahosh
bonnya ke joy kore egiye jai kato
Mon ke tara boshe korechhe
chancholota drirotar kachhe nato
Ora jakhon bhalobashe kaoke
akash ar samudra tader prerona hoi
Jakhon bhalobasha aghaat paye
bhenge porena,paina kaoke bhoi
Roughly translated, my poem means, there are women who are brave enough to face the challenges that life,love or for that matter marriage brings forth.They have learnt to control their feelings and emotions ,which is a very difficult thing.The vastness of the sky and the depth of the sea is the limit when they decide to fall in love.But these same set of women are unabashed when their love leaves them,leaving them alone to face the social police.They know how to stand alone at the face of adversity.................
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every love story does not culminate into a happy ending,Similarly,each and every marriage irrespective of it being an arranged or love ,does not end up being a cherished bond till both the partners decide to face the challenges and upheavals of life together with an equal zest.This is ideally what a marriage should be all about but how many marriages are actually theoritically and practically similar?IN reality mostly , the onus is unto us women to keep working towards the strenthening part.However the efforts are seldom appreciated,rather they are perceived to be some kind of weakness.Those who earn ,have choices and opportunities to look beyond the boundaries.Those with no such luck cannot retaliate when taken for granted.This is of course a very personal view,and I have complete respect for those who would like to differ................
But ,a very pertinent question---Do most of us still think loveless marriage is better than divorce?
Someone very close to me is going through this phase where she is unable to decide whether to accept her husband or to divorce him .She is confused as she has a five year old who is fond of his father,she is not independent and her parents want her to patch up despite knowing the waywardness of her husband.
What is more ironical here is the impertinent and nonchalant manner of her husband.Behaving as if he has not committed any heinous crime by getting involved,quite seriously ,with another woman.
This is not the story of this one woman ,there are many on the same boat.Some have chosen to accept their fate as it comes,some have had luck on their side and got an opportunity to begin their life anew.
Coming back to the point, that is my poem,yes ,I do know some women,who are fighting it out on their own.Are they happy?Who knows! Why only women,I think even men do not fancy loneliness .......but at the end of the day what matters utmost is ones peace of mind.............
When I look at my two maids,I am extremely amazed although not inspired.They are the most independent women on earth I reckon.Their husbands did not leave them ,rather they left their husbands.One of them actually threw her husband out of the house,the husbands in both the cases were drunkards and spendthrift and spent the hard earned money of their wives on their mistresses....Ido not see any diminished zeal for life in these two females, neither are they bothered about the society and its norms.They earn and spend on whatever and however they want.
Would I be able to do the same when put in a similar situaton? NO.I do not have the guts.I belong to that category where divorce is the last resort or no option at all.A child needs both the parents even if they are not compatible that is what I personally believe.But then incompatibily,violence etc can marr the innocence of a child and in such cases it is often sane to separate rather than pushing the child into further compexities.Having said that ,if couples are ready to give their relationship a second chance,having both the parents around, works as an invisible canopy for the child/children. A stress free life is what matters most in this competitive world for our children.................................
www.flickr.com
beautifully written.... the reason most women stay in loveless marriages is the financial dependence, the stigma of society, and if there are kids, it's even more difficult. Divorce is not the solution but if there is domestic abuse then I would vote for it.
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